well i wanted to entitle this journal 'Is life really stable even if everything around you is going to hell?' well my answer is yes. its just painful as well. recently i found out that my father was having an emotional affair with a girl he dated in college and has just reconnected with after 30 years. now for those of you who arent aware of what an emotional affair is let me say two things: 1) google it. and 2) its a connection with someone that functions like an affair jsut no sex involved to make it a physical affair. pretty much he has been texting her pretty much non stop for the past 3 months well almost 4 and he continually lies to my mom about everything that is happening. he literally would be having sex with her one moment then skyping this other woman after he finished. i know too much info but its the best example of an emotional affair. my mom was also really sick with a nasty head cold and some sort of flu and ultimately he ignored her and just brushed her off, course i found out from mom that my dad was trying his hardest to actually get thrown out of the house. I know my mom has her faults and i do get frustrated with her at times but my dad refuses to face the facts that my mom loves him and yet he cannot see why she loves him. now my parents have been married 25 years and for about 24 years and 9 months he couldnt see that love. pretty much this is all a load of crap that my dad is saying to justify why he is doing. he gone on a hunting trip to my families hunting grounds, yes we do have them, back in the mid west and both me and my mom are praying that he will come back and ultimately prove us wrong. since right now my money is on them getting a divorce, i know super positive thinking right.

Well this is what is happening in my life and it breaks my heart that my mom tries so hard and yet she keeps trying. for those of you who know me in real life dont hesitate to approach me while im walking around campus or jsut sitting eating at lunch or just relaxing in my dorm room just playing some sort of game on my computer or just watching tv its alright to ask me how im doing cause while i might be mr. smiley on the outside i can be hurting alot on the inside. I know my mom feels alone and i am not any sort of influence really or didnt cause any of this but im still affected by everything that is happening and when mid-week hits it gets really lonely when everything outside that 5 ft radius is on fire and breaking around you. so is life really stable for me...